beats me.
sometimes the things you want are really not want you should have.
or maybe they're just hard to get because they're so infinitly awesome.
or maybe i'm falling for something that will never ever be mine.
even though i want it so bad. but that clearly doesn't change a thing for him.

how to make it work?
how to make me special to him the way he is?
how to understand what about him i want...
maybe i just want him in my pants.
cause man, that would make me happy on more than one level.

gah.

speak up!
having a hard time. yet again
what the fuck, tell me please, is reasonable conversation.
how about the fact that some people don't want to have meaningful conversation all the time?
maybe talking about mindless bullshit is a way to forget about the way the world isn't working in their favour?
how does that sound.
don't fuckin ask me if we can have reasonable conversation.
don't take out your frustrations on me cause you're sick.
i don't care for it. i'm sorry.
as much as i would love to spend my every waking moment with you, i can't do it if i'm always stressed out.
and if you're always going to be moody and fickle.
and hard to read. it's irritating, stressful and confusing.
be steady. i'll be steady with you.
it's like, i can't wait to fall in love with you.
but i won't do it if it's going to make me miserably happy.
catch my drift? stop confusing me.
i'm trying my best to tell you how i feel; to make this less awkward for me.
but i think maybe i just need a break. some time away from it all.
just need to be. figure out what i want from you. figure out what you want from me.
cause i can be it all, i swear it and i promise.
just tell me what it is. show me. i'll be it.
only for you.