say we all had a window.
to look through and see the future.
i look through my window. and this is what i see:

all around me, acres and acres of land.
30 horses and about 5 dogs.
children, laughing and playing in the grass.
a man, on a porch chair sippin' lemonade.
a perfect sunset.
and behind me on the wall are photographs of happiness and not a framed degree.

i turn around and face myself in the mirror.
and take another look.

around me are windows. large, slightly tinted.
i look around and i see buildings. skyscrapers and little iddy-biddy wanna-be skyscrapers.
a big black oval-ish desk with papers strewn across.
sterile walls, no pictures, no colors. it's all black.
i wear a lab coat. my hairs tied up all neat.
black skirt, black shoes, black shirt.
the black phone rings, apparently i have an emergency to tend to.
i look back at those windows and realize that i'm bored.
no colors, no trees, no mountains, no animals.
just a scalpel and saw to get me through my days.

step back. down to Earth.
back to reality.
pick up a rock and smash your window.
it's not worth looking into the future and realizing that your fate is constantly changing.
never expect what you want to happen, and never expect what you don't want either.
stop expecting.
and just enjoy.
because as i spend the rest of my youth wondering what i will become.
i lose sight of all that i already am.

to live for the moment is to not care what the world wants.
be selfish and selfless.
be who you are. and let that define your destiny.
not what you want. and not what they want.
just be what you are.
that in itself, is as unique as it gets.
and, those who strive for their independant frames and individual qualities end up the same.
a picture can evoke a memory.
but a memory cannot be replaced by a photograph.

i am an absolute and complete utter failure at life.
and my parents only just realized that.
why is working your ass off, 72 hours a week for 6 months to pay for groceries a waste of time?
why is paying off someone else's personal debts such a waste of time?
why is having a boyfriend that takes your mind off family bullshit such a wrong thing to do?
why is hanging out with people with so many different paths in life and different goals such a wrong thing to do?
why is not being a dentist such a crime?
why is not having a university degree to gain respect such a wrong thing to do?
i don't understand where all these expectations came from but I know I can't live up to them for you.
So fuck off.
I don't want your dreams. I have my own.
and I don't care if you don't respect them.