Oh. I don't know what to do.
I'm so bored. and so busy.
There's too much happening right now.
I need to quit smoking. I need to get laid.
I need to get into school.
I need to forget about him.
- No wait. Already did that one.
I need to stop being so bitter about it.
And I really really have to clean my room.

This world is depressing and slow.
I want things to keep moving. Everything's standing still.
Perfection left me so long ago.
And I still want it.
WHY?
For fuck's sake...why?
He hates me, made that pretty fuckin clear.
I wish I wasn't so blind towards it. I wish I didn't hope for something better to happen.
And I wish he'd understand that I'm not trying to be a bitch.
But I can't talk to him, look at him, hear him, without wondering what could have been.
As much as I want him to disappear, I wish he'd always be here.

But then again. He's never here. I just hear about him through other people.
People who have no idea what transpired. No idea of how he used me and how I used him.
It couldv'e been fuckin perfect. He was the epitome of it. For a week.
Maybe he just doesn't realize how amazing he is. Doesn't realize how heartbreaking it is when he acts the way he does.

I wish I had him before all those other girls screwed him up so badly.
Maybe then he'd appreciate all that I gave him.

i would like to amputate a limb from my body.
where can i go about accomplishing this task?
soon.
before it kills the rest of my body?

despair, desire
woke up this morning to your face
had a dream last night,
you had gone away
what is this I see behind your eyes?
nothing but another way to cover all your lies
I live in a state of constant fear,
feeling that my death is drawing very near.
what is left for me when you are done?
wake up in the night to find that you have gone.
dreams, dreams, dreams
you and me living on the sea
theres nothing left for me,
when you decide to leave.
when I die,
dont you cry,
you dont deserve that kind of comfort
why did you have to go,
and leave me all alone.
you and me,
sitting in the trees,
we are so happy.
its all just a dream,
all just a dream,
just a dream, a dream, dream.

dream no more.

captain chronic aka. jesusfeet