w.h.y.

i can't help but hate the fact that you love someone else more.
i can't help but hate everything about you and still wish you were mine.
i can't help but hate the fact that you're a complete loser with no ambition.
i can't help but hate the fact that i care about you so much and you don't give two shits about me.
i can't help but hate the fact that you cheated my heart and somehow it doesn't matter anymore.
i can't help but hate the fact that anything i say, think or do will never change you, and somehow i keep wishing that it will.
i can't help but hate the fact that i'm still in love with you and i can't do anything about it.

why can't i get you outta my head?

according to the psychoanalytic theory devised by Freud, it's because i'm 'obsessed' with you.
I am.
i'm obsessed with loving you.
i'm obsessed with caring for you.
i'm obsessed with wanting to be your one and only.

and yet.
i've moved on.
and i have heart-space for others.
but you.still manage to have a huge chunk of something that truly isn't yours anymore.
but somehow, i ain't fighting back.

w
h
y

do you make this so hard for me?

i hate you.
i love you.

i wish we could just give this all up and go back to what we used to be.
and i wish.
that we could forget what happened and make it like it was before we met.

which is healthier?
which makes me smile?
neither.
both have negative endings.
i either.
know something bad will end it all.
or.
know that i'm missing something.

what is to be done?
and what isn't to be done?

untitled

don't you just hate the word hope?
it has all these funny notions
it's only meaning is "maybe"
maybe hurts
maybe is cruel
maybe means pain
either way it turns out, you're never really prepared
it's like death
so uncertain.
hope means nothing anymore
hope implies feeling numb
it creates ignorance.
anger too
hope, hope is the scum of the earth
stupid girl.
Pandora. Overly inquisitive.
you curiousity has killed me.
now we suffer
we have greed and hunger, for hope.
broken because of a box
hope is shit.
foul, horrid, repulsive.
makes me sick.
but after all this...
all i can do is hope.
hope it will get better.
hope it will turn out my way.
all we can do, is hope.