unabashed fuckwittage...

fuckwittage = a characteristic belonging to the male species wherein they toy with female emotions to cunningly convince them into sleeping with them and then when confronted with the prospects of a relationship claim commitment phobia.
* sound familiar anyone?*
so i've had a regular, shitty-ass weekend with nothing more than a few instances which create tears and a few which create resentment. i got yelled and bitched at in the car ride home on saturday, and was told that i was a burden and that there were many sacrifices made for me. i don't remember asking for any of this, i was offered something and i took it. if i'm such a fuckin burden then why did you offer? can't help but feel the same as the dead gecko i saw outside my door. a tad helpless but stuck where we're at. i've had a total of 8 cigarettes in 2 days and i'm itchin for one right now. trying really hard to fight the temptation of sneaking out. won't do it. will compensate with a coke. i'm so sick of being in texas. my bank account holds less than two weeks worth of pay. i should just go home and go to york. this place makes me uneasy and uncomfortable. my only friends are the people i smoke and/or work with. i went out for dindin with the old ones and all they do is complain complain complain and make racial comments. i can't stand it. not one minute. the reason the kitchen is full of hard-working mexican people is because there are fatass lards like you around that don't want to do shit, so they do it for you because they know what it's like to have nothing. bastard-fuck. ugh. i'm waiting for the time that i'll have a two-day weekend again. i don't think it's happening until christmas time wherein hopefully i'll be home. my mom is supposed to come visit me soon. i hope she does. and then in two weeks or so the old ones are planning to go to Toronto. i can't even go. i have to work. yet all they do is complain about needing a vacation. i can't wait to leave. i want a normal job with normal hours that can equal a normal life. i want normal problems and normal happiness.
anyways. i had this disgusting security guard from countrywide hitting on me yesterday. said he wanted to take me out to dinner and show me a good time. he said he'll drop by when no one else is working to gimme his number. i was trying so hard not to laugh. we have a contract with his company so i'll be seeing him every thursday and saturday so i can't be rude. but anyways, he must be like, at least 26-28 which in turn means that's he's minimum, a decade older than me. i didn't have the heart to tell him but i will in 4 days. ugh. gross. i mean, think about this. i'm 16, i wear jeans and a plain t-shirt to work every day, haven't done my eyebrows in what seems like forever, my hair is always tied up and pulled away from my face and i work with peoples dirty clothes all day and yet i have random incidents like that every so often. i don't know what's going on in these peoples heads. there's this downright beautiful girl working with me with the perfect body and yadee yadee yaa... it's disgusting. i'd like to crawl into a corner and scream pedophile at some of the older people that look at me like i'm fuckin edible. shit man. it's gross.
anyways, can't vent anymore, i'm saddened by other occurences that shall not be mentioned. goodnight all.