here we go again...circles

wow. so. it's been a pretty tough day emotionally. yet. i still haven't had the chance to think. i'm missing some aspect of my life. and i know what it is. yet i'm in utter denial because i know i don't need it. the worst part is that it's not like it's a person that i can just exempt from my life. it's some feeling some emotion that i don't want anymore. i don't want it anymore yet it keeps naggin at my heart strings like it's something really important. i can't help but feel so lost and scared about it. i had a dream, and within that dream, things turned out so beautifully and differently than i could ever imagine. and i woke up happy and then sad to realize that it was only a dream. but something has changed. something is different. my current revelations have made me stronger and happier, yet more and more confused. i don't know what to think anymore. i've been up since 3:30 this morning dealing with a vast spectrum of issues. absolutely everything under the sun. it's been about 17 hours. and all i can think about it how my day started yesterday. and the many things that went on and how i can't manage to let go. i mean. i have let go. but fuck. i don't know. i don't want to think about this anymore. tomorrow is yet another long day, so i'm going to leave this be, maybe eat something and then try and sleep. how do you love someone, who hurts you oh so bad, with intentions good, was all he ever had. but how do i let go when i've loved him for so long and i've given him all that i could. maybe love's a hopeless crime, giving up what seems your lifetime, what went wrong with something once so good? how do you find the words to say, to say goodbye. if your heart don't have the heart to say, to say goodbye. i know now i was naïve, never knew where this would lead, and i'm not trying to take away, oh no, from the good man that he is. but how do i let go when i've, loved him for so long and i've given him all that i could. was it something wrong that we did, because others infiltrated, what went wrong with something once so good? how do you find the words to say, to say goodbye. when your heart don't have the heart to say, to say goodbye. is this the end, are you sure? how should you know when you've never been here before... it's so hard, to just let go, when this is the one and only love i've ever known...how do you find the words to say, to say goodbye...when your heart don't have the heart to say... to say goodbye.